It has been a solid four months since I started working for an engineering firm in I.T. Park. In that short amount of time I have noticed that the assortment of girls in this place is astounding. But like merchandise, you don’t get the good ones without running through a few bad batches. If you’re chick-hunting, chances are you’ll find someone you fancy in no time. So, I thought it would be fun to list them all down. I present to you the good and the bad. The girls you meet in IT Park.
1. The Tomb Raider
Like Lara Croft, this chick has just the right amount of testosterone to kick your butt. Sprinting for hours in the perimeters of IT is just child’s play for these beefcake babes.
Why waste time going to the movies when she can express her love for you a lot more clearly through her hooks and jabs in a boxing session. And never ever provoke this beast. Bugging her during one of her mood swings might just end up in a blood bath of Spartacus proportions.When she says she’s not in the mood, she’s dead serious about it. Her killer abs/thunder thigh combo might just give you enough drive to rethink about renewing that gym membership once again. If you even think about going steady with this kind of chick, you might have to start by putting down that glazed Krispy Kreme donut, brother.
2. The Diesel Engine
The cigarette is more than just an item of leisure for these nicotine enthusiasts; it has become a vital extension of their bodies. From breakfast to breakfast the next day, any meal is not complete without a helping of Marlboro Marmalade or Lucky Strike Linguine. Given the chance, they’ll burn every cigarette they can. How do you spot them in the rare event of not holding one? Well, a sneaky sniff might just do the trick. If you find all this smoke frenzy stimulating and you seriously think you have the lungs for it, then chug away!
3. The VOUGE-a-bularist
Fashion is religion, Vogue is the bible and Lady Gaga is the Pope. I speak for everyone when I say that judging by their numbers alone, this portion of the demographic is the rightful queen of this urban jungle. It would be impossible to ask her on a date especially when ANTM is on. And don’t even think about putting on that shirt you just wore two days ago, she’ll probably shred it into pieces. And that goes for the rest of your wardrobe of Family Day and college Intramurals t-shirts which she probably already hates as well.
Comfort becomes a thing of the past when she starts replacing your islanders and spartans with the more fashionable topsiders. Most importantly, be sure you have a fat wallet as well. With an appetite for designer shoes comparable to that of a full grown crocodile, you’ll need every dime you have.
4. The Imports
Or the half-breeds. Either way, these bombshells look like they have sprung up to life from those Victoria’s Secret catalogues. With faces even the gods would envy, they are flesh and bones to every man’s interracial fantasies. Odds are, they would always be taller and way hotter than you. But if you don’t mind channeling some David and Goliath or Katy and Russell for that matter, then mate, this girl is for you.
5. The X-Men
No, not the multimillion blockbuster franchise about mutants with supernatural abilities. I’m referring to the ex-men, as in the used-to-be men who have forsaken their beards in favor of busts. Be very careful because they can be very deceiving indeed. They pull just about every trick in the bag in trying to look and “feel” (ehem) like the real deal. In most cases, they would even have assets, most real girls can only dream of having. Technically, they are not chicks but hey, at least they tried.
6. The Justin Beaver
If the Adams can do it, so can the Eves. As to why these ladies would rather look like their hairier equivalents, I may never know. But we should give them props for altering their God-given feminine physique. Some simply cover up their naturally occurring curves but some go as far as buffing up, making the average guy look like a prepubescent boy.
This can be tricky because they go for chicks as well. But as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And you might just be the prince charming (or damsel in distress?) she’s (he’s?) been looking for.
7. The Conyo
If the native dialect of the south is getting too bland for your taste, then you can certainly use some conyo to spice up your palate. They can dissect and reassemble words from cebuano, tagalog and english as if they were Lego blocks. These chicks will whip your oral cavity into shape in no time. If you dig tongue twister, you better step up your game my dude because you’re in for some serious tongue action. If you know what I mean.
8. The MILFs
As in Mommy-Is-Looking-FABULOUS!
These ladies are living testaments that age is just a number. The source of her eternal beauty? Well, it could be her new vegan diet or her positive outlook in life. Or it could simply be those shots of Botox she had over the weekend. Whatever the reason, I’m sure we can all agree these timeless gals look mighty fine.
Unfortunately, they fall under the look-but-don’t-touch category, so you boys better behave.
9. The Corporate Domina
These chicks love to dress up, grown-up style. Forget those Hello Kitty prints, this time these girls are rockin’ them Gucci’s and LV’s. They love playing Ms. Bossy pants, strutting the most drool-worthy corporate ensembles every single day of the week. If there was ever an Olympic sport on wearing the highest heels possible by a human being, then they are hands down the Michael Phelps and the Usain Bolt of that category. If you’re lucky, you might just find someone with the right amount of kink behind those well-tailored suits that will punish the bad boy you truly are. Rawr.
10. The Opossum
For those that don’t know, the opossum is a mammal with a very clever trick. When faced with a dangerous predator, this rodent immediately acts dead on cue and at the same time releasing chemicals that are just as pungent as that of a rotting carcass. Brilliant for a rodent, totally uncool for someone you personally know outside of IT. I mean, how hard can waving back or smiling back be? I’m not a social butterfly myself, but when an acquaintance waves at you or beams a smile, isn’t it common courtesy to reciprocate?
They don’t go as far as dropping dead like a possum, but you know what, they might as well do.
11. The One
Imagine it has been brutal in the office. You have been working days on end at this project you can’t seem to finish. Not to mention the OT’s. Man, the OT’s are killing you. You’re practically a computer-literate rat living in IT Park who occasionally goes out for some fresh air. There’s nowhere you’d rather be right now but in bed.
Imagine that feeling of pure joy when your face hits that pillow. She’s that girl who makes you feel that way when you’re finally with her.
She is little miss sunshine and the warm freshly brewed coffee from your pantry.
She is the one who makes your heart thud so loudly, it drowns everything in a one-kilometer radius in Lahug.
She is the one who feels like the beach in the summer time.
She is the one who makes you stay. The girl who makes you wake up every morning to that ridiculous time schedule.
There’s nowhere you’d rather be. She’s that girl.
The girl who feels like home.
I started writing this article on paper just this October. However, this piece was technically preconceived ages ago at the back of my head, and it slept there for a very long time. It all started when I stumbled upon an article entitled the “The 10 Girls You Will Meet in Cebu”. After reading it, I knew I had to make my own version but I never really had the time and the right subject. Consider this a personal homage.